We are live on tape from Tulsa, Oklahoma and your announcers are Josh ‘Big Hoss’ Mathews, Booker ‘with the Fringe on Top’ T, and Michael ‘Hook Em Horns’ Cole.
Lillian Garcia introduces Sheamus and he makes his way to the ring.
Sheamus says that as the winner of the 2012 Royal Rumble match, he has won the right to be in the main event of Wrestlemania. The next thing for him to decide is whether to go for the WWE Championship or the World Championship. Realistically, we won’t know who the winner is until the Elimination Chamber pay per view and there will likely be a title change that night based on the history of the match. He will make his decision by the end of that night.
A lot of people have been telling him to make his decision right now. Sheamus says that he doesn’t like being told what to do and being pushed around. Sheamus says that he was bullied as a kid. He did fight back and he had his arse handed to him a few times. The more he fought back, the better he got. That fighting brought him to the WWE.
The bullying started again. He was told things about his hair, his skin tone, and he accent. He did not succumb to the bullying and he made it to the main event of Wrestlemania. Sheamus says that he is a pasty faced, red headed, Irishman and he is damn proud of it.
Sheamus is interrupted by Wade Barrett. Barrett makes his way to the ring. Wade thanks Sheamus for such a heartwarming story so early in the show. Wade says that he possesses a smidgen of respect for him but he tells Sheamus that he has to go to for the WWE Championship at Wrestlemania because if he wrestles for the World Championship, he will be fighting Wade.
Wade vows to win the Elimination Chamber match. Wade says that he can and will beat Sheamus. Wade says that Sheamus will be remembered as nothing more than a pasty faced, ginger, Irish loser.
Sheamus tells Wade that he wasn’t listening to him fella because he was thinking about Randy Orton kicking him around the ring last week.
Wade starts to talk again and Cody Rhodes interrupts.
Cody appears on the stage and he says that what Wade said was of little or no significance. Cody says that he knows what it is like to have his hand raised in victory at Wrestlemania, unlike them. Cody says that unlike them, he knows what it is like to be a champion.
Cody says that he doesn’t have the urge to cry, like the rest of the audience, when they see themselves naked in the mirror. Cody says that the Elimination Chamber is a tax on the mind and it is Cody’s match to win. Cody says that Sheamus will go down in the record books as the first man to lose to the dual Intercontinental and World Champion.
Big Show makes his way to the ring and he has something to say. Show tells Sheamus that he respects him and he tells Sheamus that he will do what Sheamus normally does not do. He tells Cody to shut up or he will slap the taste out of his mouth. He says that he is not going to say that he is going to win the chamber or brag about it. Show tells everyone to think about Big Show versus Sheamus for the World Championship. Show says that is a match that is worth the main event at Wrestlemania.
Wade says that he is going to be as polite as he can be but he calls Show a Wrestlemania punch line. He tells Show that Snooki has a better Wrestlemania career than Show.
Cody says that Giants can win the Super Bowl, but not matches at Wrestlemania. Cody says that Show is the reverse Undertaker and we need to wonder who Show is going to lose to. Will it be the boxer, or the sumo wrestler, or will it be . . .
We will never know the rest because Show chops Rhodes and sends him to the mat. Sheamus and Barrett battle while Cody goes for Beautiful Disaster but Show grabs Cody and sends him over the top rope to the floor. Sheamus clotheslines Barrett over the top rope to the floor.
Great Khali is walking in the back as we go to commercial.
We are back and Teddy Long has done the unexpected. The four men who were involved in the opening brawl will be in a tag match with Big Show and Sheamus facing Cody Rhodes and Wade Barrett.
We go to the Goldman Box for comments from Jinder Mahal. He says that after he beats the Great Khali tonight, he will demand to replace Khali in the Elimination Chamber Match.
Match Number One: Jinder Mahal with headgear case versus Great Khali
Mahal yells at Khali and Khali raises his arms. Mahal with a slap but Khali with a punch and chop in the corner. Khali sends Mahal into the turnbuckles. Khali with another chop. Mahal with kicks and a knee to Khali and he chokes Khali in the ropes. Khali with an elbow but Mahal with a kick and forearms followed by a front face lock. Khali picks up Mahal and tosses him to the mat. Khali with clotheslines followed by a chop to the top of the head.
Khali with the choke slam for the three count.
Winner: Great Khali
After the match, Booker says that Khali has a good chance to win the Elimination Chamber match.
We take a look back at the events surrounding Khali’s entry into the Elimination Chamber Match.
Teddy is in the office with Aksana and while the lighting is not the only thing that is blue in Teddy Long’s office and saxophones play, Teddy talks about how that was the only thing that he could do. Aksana says that she was impressed with Teddy and she likes a man of action who is brave, tall, and long. Teddy says that he is all of them. Aksana says that Teddy needs to be rewarded and Aksana starts to whisper Sweet Nothings (in Broken English) into his ear.
Daniel Bryan enters and the needle scratches for the ‘live’ saxophone accompaniment and the lights are normal. He wants to know what they are doing.
Bryan asks Teddy if ‘it is true’ and he wants to know if Teddy held a barbecue in the parking lot this afternoon. Teddy says that it is true and then he apologizes for not inviting Bryan. Bryan talks about having to eat the charred flesh of a dead animal and how disgusting it is. Teddy says that it tasted good to him.
Teddy apologizes for not being a vegetarian like Bryan and Bryan says that he is a vegan so he does not eat any animal products. Bryan says that he is sick to his stomach and he cannot compete tonight.
Teddy says that he is sick and tired of being preached to by Bryan. Teddy tells Bryan that he will not be able to use his veganism as a way to get out of his matches. He tells Daniel to get ready for his match tonight.
We go to commercial.
We are back and we are reminded that Shawn Michaels will be on Raw this Monday night.
We are told about how Beth feels that there are no challengers for her Divas Title so she will be the champion forever.
Match Number Two: Beth Phoenix versus Alicia Fox with an animal pelt on her head in a Non Title Match
Beth gives Alicia the chance to get out of her ring. Alicia has hearing problems since her ears are not as large as the ones on her animal head hood. Alicia sends Beth into the turnbuckles and kicks her. Beth sends Alicia to the mat after blocking a monkey flip. Beth with kicks but Alicia with forearms. Beth with an Irish whip but Alicia tries for an elbow off the turnbuckles. Beth catches Alicia and tries for a belly-to-back suplex but Alicia lands on her feet.
Alicia with a matrix move but she cannot avoid the running forearm from Beth. Beth with the Glam Slam for the three count.
Winner: Beth Phoenix
After the match, Beth sets up for another Glam Slam on Fox, but Tamina has to stick her nose into the situation and she stares down Beth. Beth grabs her title belt and Beth leaves the ring with a strange smile on her face.
Randy Orton is stretching in the back as we go to commercial.
It is time for a look at the Rock and John Cena match at Wrestlemania and we have a Dwayne Johnson video package.
Natalya and Tyson are in the back and she talks about how she cannot believe that this is happening. She talks about how she gets so nervous. Tyson tells her that it is natural. Disgusting, but natural. Natalya wants to know what is disgusting and she says that when she gets nervous, she talks too much. There is a noise from down below and it apparently came from Tyson.
Kidd leaves and Natalya stands there. Hornswoggle walks by and he is walking through the blast area at eye level and he reacts like Santino has the last few weeks. Natalya is in shock because she thinks that Hornswoggle thinks she did it. Natalya says that it was Tyson and she walks away.
Match Number Three: Big Show and Sheamus versus Cody Rhodes and Wade Barrett
Show starts off and Rhodes eventually joins Show in the ring. Cody tags in Wade before locking up with Show. Show brings Barrett into the ring and then he chops Barrett in the corner. Barrett tags in Rhodes and Cody slowly enters the ring. Rhodes is cornered but he is able to escape and he kicks Show.
Show sends Cody into the corner and he chops Rhodes. Show with another chop and Cody is regretting his entry in the match. Show lifts Cody over his head and then he drops Cody behind him. Show sets for the punch but Cody backs up into the corner.
Sheamus tags in and Cody likes that decision, but he tags in Barrett. They lock up and Barrett sends Sheamus into the corner. Sheamus with punches to Barrett followed by an Irish whip and clothesline. Barrett with a kick but Sheamus with a clothesline. Sheamus puts Barrett in the ropes and he connects with a series of forearms across the chest and then he gets a near fall with a rollup.
Barrett with a back heel kick and he sends Sheamus into the turnbuckles. Rhodes tags in and Cody works on the arm but Sheamus pushes Rhodes to the mat. Sheamus with a clothesline as we go to commercial.
We are back and Cody with a kick and he works on Sheamus’ arm. Sheamus with a slam and an elbow drop for a near fall. Sheamus punches Cody, but Cody tries for a back slide but SHeamus avoids it. Sheamus with a fireman’s carry slam and then he tags Show back in. Show with a punch to the midsection. Show with an abdominal claw. Show with an Irish whip but Cody gets his boots up and Barrett tags in.
Barrett and Rhodes with a high/low combination on Show. Barrett punches Show while the referee warns him. Rhodes tags in and he hits a missile drop kick and he gets a near fall. Rhodes with a kick and front face lock. Rhodes with a chin lock and he gets on Show’s back. Show with a snap mare and Barrett tags in. Barrett clips Show and stops him from making the tag. Barrett with a series of kicks and he gets a near fall.
Barrett with a reverse chin lock. Barrett gets on Show’s back and Show gets to his feet and Show backs Barrett into the turnbuckles to get out of the hold. Rhodes tags back in and he hits Beautiful Disaster but Show kicks out. Rhodes with a kick to the head and a reverse chin lock. Show with a side slam to get out of the hold and both men are down.
Barrett and Sheamus tag in and Sheamus with double sledges to Barrett and then he hits a running clothesline into the corner followed by forearms and a standing power slam. Sheamus gets ready for the Brogue Kick and he does not see Cody trying to interfere. Show does and he spears Rhodes. Sheamus with the Brogue Kick for the three count.
Winners: Sheamus and Big Show
We go to commercial.
We are back and Michael Cole is in the ring and he says that his guest will be making her first public comments after her career was almost ended due to the reckless actions of Big Show. Cole brings out AJ.
We see what happened last week when Big Show almost injured AJ a second time.
Michael asks AJ how she is feeling and she tells Cole that she is feeling better, but her neck still hurts but she will be getting the neck brace off next week and she hopes to be able to wrestle in the spring.
AJ starts to thank the people who supported her, but Michael Cole remembers that this is all about him because he is an announcer. He points out that nobody knows who she is. Cole is surprised that people are supporting her during the injury. Cole says that he is kidding and then he says that he brought AJ into the ring to see if she blames the big oaf the Big Show and points out how it almost happened again on Raw.
He wants to know why she is even at ringside.
AJ says that she was at ringside because Daniel asked her and she loves him. She never blamed the Big Show because he would never do anything to hurt her.
She says that there is someone who has done more damage than the Big Show and that person is Michael Cole.
Cole asks how he could be worse than Big Show and AJ points out that Cole has never believed in her boyfriend. He has done nothing but stir things up. She says that Cole has insulted Daniel, insulted her, and insulted the entire Divas division. AJ says that he is a biased, obnoxious jerk.
Before Cole can respond, AJ takes the mic and says that she is not finished. She says that as far as she is concerned, the entire WWE would be a better place if Cole would just shut his mouth.
Cole wants to know how AJ could say that and then he calls AJ ‘honey’ and ‘missy’. Cole says that he is doing his job. He says that he gets paid for his insightful commentary and his personality. Cole says that people are saying that Daniel Bryan set her up to get run over by the Big Show. They are saying that AJ is so blindly in love that she would throw herself in front of a moving bus for him. They are saying that Daniel Bryan has not guts. They are saying that AJ has no self respect. Cole says that he will be in his glory at the Elimination Chamber because they will be nothing more than footnotes in WWE history.
Daniel Byran comes out and says that is enough. If Cole says anything else to his girlfriend, he will break both of Cole’s arms.
Bryan wants to know if this woman has already been through enough. He talks about how Cole is verbally harassing her because Cole doesn’t like him. Bryan has news for Cole and everyone else. He is more than a footnote. He says that he is a great wrestler and the World Champion. Bryan says that he is a role model.
On Sunday, he took a nature walk while everyone else was watching the Super Bowl while consuming copious amounts of meat and beer. Bryan asks everyone while they were stuffing their faces with the flesh of murdered animals and drinking bottle after bottle of beer and soda, how many actually recycled. How many people thought about preserving the environment for future generations?
Bryan says that he recycles and he cares about the environment. He says that he cares about future generations. Bryan says that he cares about AJ. Bryan kisses her on the forehead and hugs her. Because the people have been so inhospitable towards her, he is leaving the arena and taking AJ home. She has been traumatized enough.
Bryan tells everyone that to show how environmentally conscious they are, they are leaving in a Prius.
They leave the ring while Cole insults Daniel Bryan and claims that he is correct..
We see Bryan and AJ walking out of the arena but Teddy Long stops Daniel and AJ. Bryan says that AJ is in no condition to watch him compete and he asks for a personal day. Teddy says that he will provide transportation for AJ but if Bryan leaves the building, he loses his title.
We go to commercial.
We are back and we see footage of Ted DiBiase’s match against Hunico from two weeks ago.
Match Number Four: Ted DiBiase versus Hunico with Camacho
Ted sends Hunico into the corner and he punches and kicks him. Hunico has a kick blocked and Ted with a clothesline that sends Hunico over the top rope to he floor. Ted goes to the floor and he pushes Camacho and then Ted sends Hunico into the ringside barrier. Ted sends Hunico back in and he stares at Camacho before returning to the ring.
Hunico with an arm wringer to the injured arm and then he kicks Ted and sends him to the floor. Camacho kicks Ted when the referee was not looking. Hunico with a kick and then he sends Ted’s injured wrist into the ring post a few times. They return to the ring and Hunico with a kick followed by an arm bar on the injured arm.
Ted gets to his feet and he punches Hunico but Hunico with a kick and then Ted with a punch to the midsection followed by the rebound clothesline and he gets a near fall. Hunico with an arm breaker. Hunico tries to hyperextend the arm twice and on the third time, DiBiase gets a rollup and the three count.
Winner: Ted DiBiase
We go to commercial.
We are back and who wants an Elimination Chamber video package explaining the rules of the match.
John Laurinaitis is on the phone from Abu Dhabi and he points out what his job is and how it is never dull. He talks about the tour of the UAE. John says that he thinks the board is genuine with their decision to keep him on Raw. John mentions that Mr. Excitement will be on Raw as the General Manager.
Big Show joins Cole, Josh, and Booker at the announce table for the main event.
Match Number Five: Randy Orton versus Daniel Bryan in a Non Title Match
They lock up and Orton backs Bryan into the corner and Orton with a clean break. They lock up again and Orton with a side head lock. Orton with a shoulder tackle and Bryan backs into the ropes. They lock up again and Bryan with a hammer lock and Orton with a reversal. Orton with a side head lock and shoulder tackle but Bryan takes Orton down. Orton kicks Bryan away and then takes Bryan down with a drop toe hold.
Orton with an arm bar. Bryan with a kick and European uppercuts. Bryan with kicks to the chest. Orton with an Irish whip but Bryan flips over Orton. Bryan ducks a clothesline and Orton with a drop kick to stop the flying clothesline attempt and Orton with a near fall.
Orton with a kick but Bryan with a knee to the midsection. Bryan with a knee drop to the head. Orton rakes the eyes and then he connects with an elbow and he kicks Orton in the chest. Bryan with a European uppercut but Orton iwht punches. Bryan with a European uppercut. Bryan misses a kick but Orton sends Bryan over the top rope to the floor.
Big Show gets up at the announce table and Orton asks him not to get involved. Orton rolls Bryan back in and Show sits down. Bryan with a baseball slide to Orton and then he hits the flying knee off the apron and we go to commercial.
We are back and Bryan with a key lock and then he works on the shoulder. Orton with a neck breaker but Bryan with a kick to the shoulder. Orton with punches but Bryan with more kicks. Orotn with a kick and a gutwrench into a neck breaker for a near fall. Orton with European uppercuts of his own.
Orton puts Bryan on the top turnbuckle for a superplex but Bryan fights Orton off and sends him to the mat. Bryan sets for the diving head butt but Orton rolls out of the way and Bryan hits the mat. Orton with two clotheslines and then he ducks a clothesline from Bryan and hits the power slam when Bryan comes off the ropes. Orton with the IEDDT set up but Bryan with a shoulder and kick from the apron. Bryan goes up top but Orton crotches Bryan.
Orton punches Bryan and sets for the superplex and he hits it. Orton with a near fall. Orton with the Garvin Stomp to Bryan and then he goes for the leaping knee drop but he misses when Bryan moves. Bryan with the running drop kick into the corner and then he kicks Orton in the chest. The referee pulls Bryan out of the corner. Orton avoids Bryan and gets a near fall with a rollup. Bryan counters with the LeBell Lock but Orton counters with a catapult that sends Bryan to the apron.
Orton with the IEDDT and then he looks for the power to turn into the push ups for the RKO. Orton wants to hit the RKO but Bryan goes to the apron. Bryan drops Orton’s arm on the top rope and Bryan gets the World Title belt.
Bryan attacks Show and Show pushes Bryan and sends him into the ring where Orton hits an RKO. The referee calls for the bell and disqualifies Orton for what Show did.
Winner: Daniel Bryan by disqualification
After the match, Orton is not happy with the result of the match. Bryan is laid out in the center of the ring and Orton goes to the floor and argues with Show. Orton pushes Show and Orton yells at Show. Show pushes Orton down and Orton and Show fight behind the announce table. Show sends Orton over the announce table and they continue to brawl as we go to credits with Bryan watching and smirking.